Writing Tools

I often ask journalists to share with me the work of writers they admire.  In recent years, no name has come up more often than Anthony Shadid, war correspondent for The Washington Post. Consider this lead of July 30, out of Qana, Lebanon:

The bulldozer slowly clawed at the rubble Sunday, in motions gentle for a machine. In its path were what was left of life: a bag of onions and a can of beans, a dirt-crusted sandal, a baby bottle, a plaid bag with a diaper still tucked inside and a punctured picture of a young boy, posing awkwardly, his arms stiff at his side. As the sun arced overhead, Israeli shelling thundering in the distance, the shouts went out: "Stop! Stop!"  Rescuers surged, then one emerged, his back slightly stopped.

Cradled in his arms was the 27th victim pulled from a partially buried room that had sheltered 63 people in the southern Lebanese village of Qana. The victim's name was Abbas Hashem, and he was 1 year old. His blue pacifier still dangled from his green tank top.

Behind the pair was a book, tossed by the blast into a splintered olive tree.

"The Keys to Heaven," its title read.

I could conduct a Writing Tools seminar using this passage alone. Until then, let me offer a brief X-ray reading, designed to elucidate Shadid's writing strategies:

WRITING TOOLS: THE BLOG

Like what you've read here? Interested in receiving updates on this blog as they're posted? Here's how: -- Visit the blog on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, when Roy posts new items. -- Sign up to receive new blog entries as an e-mail newsletter. -- Subscribe to the Writing Tools RSS

• The story begins with a scene, transporting us to the ruins of a Lebanese village.

• It includes no quotes, but a powerful burst of dialogue: "Stop! Stop!"

• It moves from the general "what was left of life" to that catalogue of specific items visible in the debris.

• It shines with interesting words and powerful verbs: clawed, arced, surged, emerged.

• Shadid juxtaposes odd elements: a gentle bulldozer.

• He offers eyewitness specificity: the number of victims, the name of the child, the color of his pacifier and tank top.

• He takes advantage of coincidence to suggest important themes of religion and war, from the reference to the olive tree (symbol of peace) to the ironic title of the book: "The Keys to Heaven."

In short, Shadid has his full mojo working here. But here's a key: the brilliance of this passage might seem to come from the writer's inventive use of language. I would argue, though, that it comes just as much from access and reporting. Being there. Seeing things. Writing them down in your notebook.

With respect for such excellent work, I offer for your consideration two tiny revisions. I would consider deleting two adverbs: slowly and awkwardly. That would give us: "The bulldozer clawed at the rubble Sunday, in motions gentle for a machine." (In other words gentle suggests slowly.) It would also give us "a punctured picture of a young boy, posing, his arms stiff at his side." I could argue that the stiffness of his arms shows us his awkwardness. But what do you think?